This must be Love
by Mellos-In-My-Closet
Summary: He owns me. That’s right I was his property the moment I came here." Mello X Matt Yaoi Angst cutting blood violence... All that jazz


MN: Hey yall! Its been a while! Well my friend convinced me to write a FF for Death note! I like it! so Please read! This has yaoi in it so beware.

PLEASE REVIEW

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Today Mello Threw a remote at me. Yes. A remote. Why a remote? Because it was the closest thing he could reach to knock me out with. So As the remote flew threw the air with odd grace smacking me in the dome, I pressed pause on my game waiting for the impact.

Sure as hell that thing hurt. Probably killed millions of brain cells. Not that I cared. Its not like the odds of me being L's successor were very good. That's what 'they' have Near and Mello for. Im like…A banana peal in Mario cart. You throw it behind you and hope it helps you but it never really does… Besides Roger thinks I have ADD.

Now any normal person should be wondering why the fuck he threw a remote at me. And Yes that is a logical thought process you got goin on. So I guess I should explain. Well , its cause he owns me. That's right I was his property the moment I came here.

You probably think that's weird. I thought so too, Until he explained it to me. Basically im his because im "smaller" than him and I was …What did he say? …A "noob". I held my head as I recounted his look of disgust when he first saw me. It makes sence to me. The More prominent player in mortal combat always wins and dominated the other player.

Its like Survival of the fittest. And sometimes to survive you find yourself in some of the most unlikely places. Though I don't mind. Im happy to let him do what he wants to me. Its better than not feeling at all.

"Did You take your medication today?" Mello sat on the couch watching my hunched form holding the game controller. His feet were on the coffee table and the mud from his shoes clung on to the thick rubber. I Studied the pattern on the bottom. My head leaned forward a little to look closer. Now you probably think that what im doing is irrational. But If I cared what you thought why would I be doing it.

"Did you hear me?" It didn't register that he was talking. I looked up at him in time to see his face as his boot came crashing into my cheek. "Stop zoning out".

"I took my medication" I could feel my eyes inch back to the boot. I fought the urge but it was wasted. Mel always knew when I lied.

He stared down at me. "you better go take it before Roger Finds Out you skipped."

I nodded not wanting to speak. I knew that if I left Mello would probably do something horrid. He tends to do that. Once he got pincer bugs and put them in my pillow and I got bit all over my face that night. I had to tell Roger it was a rash.

I got off my knees and dropped the controller. It fell to the floor as I fixed my shirt. Mello watched me leave with a devious look in his eye. I Left the room and went into the hall. I watched the snow fall outside the window. The hall was cold and the sky outside was getting dark.

I calmly walked into the kitchen seeing a few other kids in the hall, but not many. The reaching tall into the cabinet I pulled out the plastic orange container. I took out the required dosage. Frankly I don't think I need these. I don't have problems focusing. I can focus just fine. Its just a matter of the things I like to focus on.

I swallowed the pills dry , letting them scrape down my throat. It seemed to me no one was in the kitchen, but I heard voices close by. Now you may not know but I've always been curious. So as a natural inquiring mind I investigated.

I pushed away from the steal counter, setting my medication on its cool surface. The noises grew louder as I neared the hall. I Peered around the corner.

Mello was down stairs. At first I thought he was coming for me, but he was talking to some one. He looked angry. Sure enough someone in white was in the shadow of his figure. Mello was talking fast and kinda angry.

I leaned in closer.

"Near…" Mello breathed. The boy tilted his head to the side slightly. And brushed Mello's hair slightly. I Jumped when I heard his name. _Near?!_

I watched Mello shudder. I was afraid. Was near hurting him? I watched the two. I've seen some of their exchanges before but none like this.

Mello leaned in closer to near, putting his arms on both sides of his head. "yes M-mello…" Near wrapped his arms around his neck. _what is going on?_ my hands gripped the doorframe.

Near had a funny look on his face. He looked flushed and had a dreamy expression. His hand went down from Mello's hair to his chest , grazing his collar bone. Mello sucked in a breath. Near smiled a little and pulled Mel's head toward him. _Wha-? _Mello made a guttural noise and pressed his lips against nears.

And at that moment my world crashed. I could feel something. A pain in my chest. Worse than anything. I felt my face go red and something wet rolled down my cheek. My breath came in whimpering huffs and I fell to my knees.

_I cant believe it…_ I gathered what was left of myself and got up. The noises from the hall got louder. I didn't turn to look. If I did it would be like putting salt on a wound.

I went back to the counter and grabbed a knife. I stared at the cleanly industrial sized appliances. I felt small.

It seemed like a good idea at the time ,so I ran out into the frozen night, fighting against the wind. My limbs turned cold and I couldn't feel my face. I didn't get far before I fell to my knees at the base of a willow tree.

I could See whammy where I sat. I didn't run far. But who could run far with the icy wind blowing in your face?

The knife felt like lead in my hand. I refocused my attention to the silver blade. It was a filet knife. The long handle lay in my hand taunting me. As if to say _"do it…you know you want too…"_ And I did want to.

I was frozen I wanted to feel again. My heart was shattered and any emotion was a welcome.

My cold lips separated slightly. They cracked and I could feel the warm blood on my lips. It felt good. I lifted my leaden arm and brought it to my cold flesh. The blade was so sharp it cut through my skin when I laid it against my arm.

The icy blade was soon saturated with red. I watched the blood slowly seep out admiring the warmth, and the beautiful ruby color. I laid it on my skin again. It cut. Again. It cut. And again. This pattern went on.

The droplets fell to the ground making the snow red. My breath came out in harsh puffs. But I felt alive. Better than anything. Like I could take on the world and come back victorious.

And then soon after the feeling died. The blood had dried and I was sitting cold in a flurry of snow. I brought my knees to my chest. My insides were cold as well as my outside. Their was only this throbbing.

I let out the pain I felt for years in my tears. I screamed and moaned and , the throbbing got more and more numb. I didn't feel better … I just felt like … my emotions were more finalized.

I looked up and saw the lights from whammy gradually dimming and I rocked back and forth… one last thought.

_This must be what love is…_ I blacked out, and let the all encompassing cold of that night consume me.

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MN: Thanks for reading! I havent written in a while.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!


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